Seriously…What a bunch of garbage. I hated the character development. The storyline was awful and the protagonist was such a drama queen. I hope they don’t make a sequel. A complete fucking waste of my time.Wait a second.
I’m thinking of another movie that takes place in Washington. That’s the state, not the capital, for you East coasters out there. No, it’s not 50/50 (2011). I’ll give you a hint. It is based off the first of not two or three, but a total of 4 books.
You guessed it.
Twilight (2008).
Never have I felt so uncomfortable watching a movie before in my life. This made Cop Out (2010) look like it had a chance of giving Chinatown (1974) a run for its money, and I didn’t even see Cop Out! If it makes you feel any better, I watched Twilight in a film studies class back in college, so it was not a matter of seeing it just because my hypothetical girlfriend “made me,” but more along the lines of seeing it so I could pass. And no, the A was not worth it. The class was called film theory and criticism.
This is where the CRITICISM of “film theory and criticism” really starts to spread its wings.
Obviously with any film, in this case, a movie, you need to take notes about how it relates to the subject you are studying. I took notes on Twilight. Not on the thematic material, but more like notes you find on a rough draft. A ROUGH draft. Instead of using them to help myself write a paper, I should have given them to Catherine Hardwicke because nobody else apparently did. My evidence? Twilight is a 5.4 on IMDb.com. Eclipse is a 4.8. Breaking dawn is a 4.7. Given this trend, BD part II will be around a 4.5, which, by the way, was a preview for the film I am supposed to be doing a review about. Why am I using IMDb? Because everyone can vote. Including those who didn't even see the movie. Good job, guys!
I can’t remember everything that was wrong with Twilight, and I am not about to watch it again to remember.
Number 1: Anna Kendrick.
In an interview with Anna Kendrick, she vowed to never do a nude scene in a movie. She won’t sell out. Fair enough. But if that’s the case, then why did she sign on to Twilight? Anne Hathaway got naked in Havoc (2005), and got, quite literally, thrusted into success. I guess selling out is a term we throw around quite loosely. However, I digress. It’s a game well played if you can go from starring under Kirsten Stewart to being a supporting actress to George Clooney.
Don’t worry, Anna. You are but the shore in my sea of hatred for Twilight.
Number 18: The Truck.
There’s always that first several sequences of a movie that makes us believe in the protagonist. It’s what’s used to get us to root for them. It’s those things they have that separate them from everybody else. Trying to keep with this important law of screenwriting, Bella’s father gives her a truck more beat than a dead hooker in a motel of the Las Vegas outskirts in a Tarantino film. When she gets to school, some jock jokingly says “Nice truck.” I noticed that the same beat up old truck was just like half of all the other modes of transportation at that high school, so if that was some kind of attempt to make us “feel” for Bella, it ran on empty.
Number 37: The Fan.
No, not the Twi-hards. How dare you make a Die Hard pun to describe someone who likes this garbage! You know when a model is at a photo shoot and a fan is there to wave her hair about in a sexual manner? When Bella and Edward first exchange glances, a fan, seen in the background, thrusts Bella’s hair about in this same fashion. I have one question. What the hell is a fan doing in a classroom in Forks, WA? If you ever crack that code, run me down and tackle me if you have to. I will understand.
Number 86: Edward’s Family.
Why weren’t they the least bit reluctant to accept Bella? I mean, they are a vampire family, and they take her in and tell her everything? And not one of the family members is initially opposed to it? Where is the conflict?
Number 112: The baseball.
Edward and his brother leap up for a baseball and they collide in midair. The ball is seen zooming past both of them without any indication of slowing down. When we see Edward and his brother lying on the ground in pain, the ball lands right beside them. While it remains an indisputable fact that the writers of Twilight do not understand chemistry, the editors haven’t the slightest clue about the fundamentals of physics.
The verdict.
Oh, yeah, Chronicle was pretty cool. I’d watch it If I were you. B+.
Obviously with any film, in this case, a movie, you need to take notes about how it relates to the subject you are studying. I took notes on Twilight. Not on the thematic material, but more like notes you find on a rough draft. A ROUGH draft. Instead of using them to help myself write a paper, I should have given them to Catherine Hardwicke because nobody else apparently did. My evidence? Twilight is a 5.4 on IMDb.com. Eclipse is a 4.8. Breaking dawn is a 4.7. Given this trend, BD part II will be around a 4.5, which, by the way, was a preview for the film I am supposed to be doing a review about. Why am I using IMDb? Because everyone can vote. Including those who didn't even see the movie. Good job, guys!
I can’t remember everything that was wrong with Twilight, and I am not about to watch it again to remember.
Number 1: Anna Kendrick.
In an interview with Anna Kendrick, she vowed to never do a nude scene in a movie. She won’t sell out. Fair enough. But if that’s the case, then why did she sign on to Twilight? Anne Hathaway got naked in Havoc (2005), and got, quite literally, thrusted into success. I guess selling out is a term we throw around quite loosely. However, I digress. It’s a game well played if you can go from starring under Kirsten Stewart to being a supporting actress to George Clooney.
Don’t worry, Anna. You are but the shore in my sea of hatred for Twilight.
Number 18: The Truck.
There’s always that first several sequences of a movie that makes us believe in the protagonist. It’s what’s used to get us to root for them. It’s those things they have that separate them from everybody else. Trying to keep with this important law of screenwriting, Bella’s father gives her a truck more beat than a dead hooker in a motel of the Las Vegas outskirts in a Tarantino film. When she gets to school, some jock jokingly says “Nice truck.” I noticed that the same beat up old truck was just like half of all the other modes of transportation at that high school, so if that was some kind of attempt to make us “feel” for Bella, it ran on empty.
Number 37: The Fan.
No, not the Twi-hards. How dare you make a Die Hard pun to describe someone who likes this garbage! You know when a model is at a photo shoot and a fan is there to wave her hair about in a sexual manner? When Bella and Edward first exchange glances, a fan, seen in the background, thrusts Bella’s hair about in this same fashion. I have one question. What the hell is a fan doing in a classroom in Forks, WA? If you ever crack that code, run me down and tackle me if you have to. I will understand.
Number 86: Edward’s Family.
Why weren’t they the least bit reluctant to accept Bella? I mean, they are a vampire family, and they take her in and tell her everything? And not one of the family members is initially opposed to it? Where is the conflict?
Number 112: The baseball.
Edward and his brother leap up for a baseball and they collide in midair. The ball is seen zooming past both of them without any indication of slowing down. When we see Edward and his brother lying on the ground in pain, the ball lands right beside them. While it remains an indisputable fact that the writers of Twilight do not understand chemistry, the editors haven’t the slightest clue about the fundamentals of physics.
The verdict.
Oh, yeah, Chronicle was pretty cool. I’d watch it If I were you. B+.
